Cameron Highlands Tea Plantation, Malaysia

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Why are men UNFAITHFUL?

Recently, a close friend of mine confided in me that she 's going through a rough patch in her marriage. So rough that most likely she's considering a divorce. The reason she 's seeking divorce is because her hubby has been cheating on her. She was so devastated and her trust in him has diminished completely. I feel sad for her and I can feel her severe pain. If I were in her shoes, I'll be stranded in misery not knowing what to do.

It's truly difficult to advise my friend what to do. It really depends on the condition and she also has to take into consideration that she has two kids with her husband. I fervently hope they can work things out for the sake of their kids. Somehow, that literally depends on her mindset to forgive and his willingness to save their marriage. I guess it takes time to cure all things in good time and hopefully she'll get over this sad episode and be her cheerful self again.

It appears that when a man cheats, the blame usually falls on the wife for not giving her hubby the best intimacy. Apart from that, they engage in affairs due to an unhappy home life and communication breakdown. Well, I'm not saying all men are likely to stray. Some women can be just as bad as well. I’m not in the position of giving judgment, as I always believe that you cannot totally understand them unless you encounter the same situation as they are. So far, my hubby is faithful to me and we still have that special spark between us.

Why are men unfaithful? Boredom? Unfulfilled Desires? Nagging wife? Pretty woman with a voluptuous body? Not getting attention? HOW TO STOP THEM?


  1. Now I am in a rough patch myself, I have a family that is seen as perfect to all my friends, I have never expected it to happen to my marriage, yet it happened ! How to stop...not possible I feel !

  2. I don't think anyone can stop the men when they want to stray.

    I have seen many men friends with mistresses and I cannot tell their wives.

    When ask why they do it. They said it's just a fling and they will not divorce their wives for these lovers.

    I cannot understand them too.

  3. Sorry to hear about your friend. Trust in marriage is very important. Once broken, it can be difficult to patch..but not impossible.

    How come women are blamed for men's infidelity? It takes two to clap!

  4. Hi True love,
    I feel sorry for what had happened to your marriage. there is evidence of men who cannot seem to control their urge. I'm not sure if I could handle that kind of betrayal.

  5. ECL,
    a lot of people will get hurt deeply when they cheat. It is very disheartening when kids are involved especially.

  6. Mei Teng,
    If the marriage is at its healthiest, there should be no reason for the spouse to find other partners.

    Some say, it usually involves the issue of sex and lack of attention at home.

  7. so sorry to hear about that regarding your friend. i think it lays in a person's personality. if they are unable to tame their inner fantasies n be loyal, it's almost impossible to talk them out of it. he could have thought the family isn't as important to him as fun? just me wild guessing though. how about counseling? will it help?

  8. levian,
    When you really need it, marriage counseling can be a lifesaver. It is a great idea to check them out and see what they can help.

  9. i think, they are not satisfied with what they have..satisfaction is what they don't have..grrrrrrrr..

    Gagay, MD

  10. According to the book "Why Men Don't Listen And Women Can't Read Maps" by Allan and Barbara Pease, our sex centre is located in the hypothalamus in the brain. This area produces testosterone, a hormone that stimultes the desire for sex. Men have 10-20 times more testosterones than women and their hypotalamus are larger.

    Also, prosmicuity is wired in the man's brain and is a legacy of his evolutionary past. In ancient times, wars greatly diminished the number of men, so they need to mate to increase the number of their tribes. That's why men are not cut out to practise monogamy.

    However, this human biology is dangerously out of date. We no longer want to increase the size of our tribes. We are no longer in ancient times. So men will have the choice to control their sexual urges. And I guess not many are successful. : )

    The book gave a funny quote.

    "A woman wants lots of sex with the man she loves. A man wants lots of sex." Haha!!

    Another good one.
    "Men fantasise about having sex with two women. Women fantasise about it too - so that they'll have someone to talk to when he falls asleep."
    LOL! : )

  11. Y'know, being a married man, it doesn't matter what I put here, I just can't shake off the image of a World War II fighter plane being shot and going down in smoke!!

    Anyway, during this sort of difficult times, as long as you have friends and family around you for support, I guess, it doesn't matter what life has decided to throw your way. Hope your friend could get through this in strides.

  12. I'm not there (and I don't know if I'll get married lol) so I can't comment. But same like ECL, I can't understand why. Maybe some things in life aren't meant to be understood.

  13. Gagay,
    sexual satisfaction is considered to be one of the important factors for men.

  14. foong,
    R u recommending this book to my fren? thanks for the review. sounds like a refreshing, entertaining read.

  15. Buzzing J,
    thanks for your kind words. yeah, in these tough times, she is in need of encouragement, help and support. I hope she will find a renewed spirit while going through a divorce.

  16. JL,
    No one knows the battles we are going to face and what kind of sorrows we r going to experience. life is full of surprises.

  17. Sorry to hear about your friend's marital problems. some men are born to bed-hop so I don't think anyone can stop them..and I guess both parties also should make as much effort with each other on communicating as well..

  18. Sorry to hear abt ur friend LR. There's no one answer as to why infidelity happens, but it's always good to COMMUNICATE with ur spouse. I hope ur friend gets through this alright, hugs for her! :):):)

  19. monica,
    communication breakdown is often a glaring sign on marriage going sour.

  20. mariuca,
    yeah, it's alwiz gd to communicate with spouse. i hope my fren will get over it asap.

  21. It is always common to hear when one's husband is successful (& not necessarily handsome) talks & advice about the need to take care of the husband in case they stray. Sad lah.
    Happened to my aunts (one aunt had her husband leaving the house and only returned home after his second wife had no use of him - he got bankrupt. One uncle is now living a double life with two wives without the first wife knowledge.) :( Both men married young women, half their age!

  22. lina,
    i feel sorry for what had happened to your aunts.

    it's good that your aunt is willing to forgive your uncle and give him a second chance.

    there's a heavy price to pay if your anor aunt discovers that her husband is living a secret double life. :(